So, back in the good old days I was passionate about three or four things at max. Among them, I was the most passionate about what I wanted to become after I grew up. The feeling towards this passion of my chosen career was so intense that, its safe to say that any failure in that aspect would cause me greater heartbreak than failing in a romantic relationship. This thing has really held onto me strongly, I really appreciate anyone who have a strong passion to reach their professional goal irrespective of whether they are currently capable or qualified to reach there. For those who do not have such a passion, it is a huge put off from my viewpoint.
I happened to fail miserably, I couldn’t reach where I wanted to, I was directly and even more so indirectly named and shamed by pretty much everyone I knew. My efforts, the sincere preparation and the actual work done to reach my goal were not even seen by anyone. None really came to my rescue, to get me out of that situation, to show me another path. This was sufficient to break me down so much and to keep off from asking anyone to help out. When such things happen in life, when loneliness is the only way ahead, we realise that it is impossible to be lonely for long. It messes up ones mind so much, there can be no return most of the times. Fortunately for those of us who identify as Hindus, no matter how away we are from our traditions and culture, at times like this, we automatically turn towards God, at least for a while. I was no different.
I went and brought the most popularly known books, the Bhagavad Gita, Ramayana and some books of Swami Vivekananda. Who in India doesn’t know Swami Vivekananda, if at all there is one Guru figure known to the youngsters, it is him. I began reading some of these books randomly, in the hope that God will do a magic and turn things around for my benefit. However, it didn’t take long for me to realise that the content of those books were too heavy for me, nothing made sense, it was highly difficult to understand anything at all and due to all this, it seemed very boring to continue reading. I now know that I am not alone to feel this way, many others too who randomly choose some books end up feeling this way sooner or later. But the saving grace for me was that I had respect towards all things religious and spiritual even without being active in practising any of those. So, even though I got bored of the books, I realised that theory will be boring and I must do something practical and this got me started off with some daily routine poojas, reciting the Sahasranamas and some other stotras and even japa of the plain and simple Om. This seemed interesting and I could even feel the vibrations inside my tummy and chest region during the loud japa of Om, which only got stronger as some days passed. I felt I am doing something right and hence it encouraged me to continue non stop for a few months. During these few months, I developed high level of purity and cleanliness of the body, mind, cupboard, room, etc. Even though I was not able to read more than one or two books, this daily practise of self-taught reciting, chanting and meditating lasted for over a year, until all the pain caused by my failure went so far away that I almost forgot about it. Simple things like this, where it can lead to, only time will tell.
After things improved, when the pain from my failure fully vanished, so did my daily routine of all the reciting, chanting, meditating, etc. This is bound to happen to a majority of self-taught youngsters who venture into the spiritual world. It is so easy to stop doing everything spiritual and not even realise how, when and why it stopped. Such a huge risk and so easy to stop, deviate from finding the true reward of all the effort put into for months together consistently. Life went by, this time normally for a couple of years but without any spiritual practises anymore. But somewhere at the back of my mind it had registered that it is good to read at least the Bhagavad Gita, Ramayana and Mahabharata. This time I had learned from my past mistake and I no longer wanted to buy any random book only to find that its not suitable for my age-group or reading style. So, a quick search to find what’s popular and it took me to Devdutt Pattnaik. His books were highly popular and especially among all those youngsters who had zero clue about the Hindu traditions, culture, heritage or history. I fell for this trap, thanks to the internet, Google had dominated all our quest by then. Oh, for those of you who might not be aware, let me tell you that if you are looking for real knowledge, real spirituality, then this guy Devdutt Pattnaik must be kept far far away from your minds. He is a big fraud in my personal opinion and has and is contributing to damaging our religion. Long story short, I began reading his books and even watching his TV show regularly but life had other plans and I was interrupted by this practise due to other life events.
This time my mother fell very ill and was operated. It was a very tough time again, the pain this time was much different from what I had suffered much earlier. I was not just a few good years older now but was also much more mature now. But what remained the same is, when there comes a problem so big that is not possible to solve easily, only God can help. I am extremely grateful and thankful to a rather young temple priest who took care of the affairs of a nearby Subramanya temple. He introduced me to his source of faith and belief, his Guru, Shri Sridhar Swami of Varadapura near Sagara which is near Shivamogga in Karnataka. It didn’t take long before I had the book, the biography. It gives me much happiness and I can proudly say that this was the first book in the category of religion and spirituality that I completed reading from start to finish, fully. I developed so much respect to this newly found, never heard before Guru figure. It gave me all the peace and calmness that was much needed to add to my strength so that I could face all challenging times of dealing with a major health issue at home and especially when doctors were not very positive on the final probability of the treatment. The major trouble with not having a personal mentor, guide or a Guru is, it gets very easy to ignore and not recognise how, why and with whose help things are improving in our lives. Even though the respect towards Shri Sridhar Swami remained, the mind never hinted that perhaps this devotion and respect might have been the reason for the very slow but steady improvements in my mother’s health. The blessings are always easy to miss, our eyes are always fixed only on the results. Even those who have never read the Bhagavad Gita will know that Shri Krishna asked us to leave the results alone and only to focus on our actions. It is so funny that most of us are conditioned to do the opposite, we focus on the results and never bother to keep an eye on our actions, it is obvious that many of us will not recognise the origin of any help and rewards.
Lucky for me, I kept the fire of finding answers of life, the meaning of spirituality alive within me and it helped me slowly reach one after the other great personalities who have worked their entire lives in uplighting and awakening people. All the sincere self-taught spiritual practise I did for years and without any particular wish, without seeking anything in return, this has played a very prominent and important role in reaching my Guru. The long path with several ups and downs come as a side effects, but when one is consistent, it will automatically lead us to our Guru. While it is very easy to say that one event lead me to my Guru, in reality it started long long ago and took many long years before I could even understand who a Guru is, why is a Guru important, how to become deserving enough to find a Guru. The end result is pure happiness, having a Guru means no darkness anymore in one’s life. There is just light, peace, purity, infinite knowledge and above all, blessings and protection from the Gods.